Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize