I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
