It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
