i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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