Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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