Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
