SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
