I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Randomize
