im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize