you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
