I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
