I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
