I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
organizing the empties. That sober.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
