You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
