DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
