i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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