It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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