Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
