Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
