it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
