Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
