i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
