everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
