I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
