Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize