Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize