so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
