In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
