I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
