I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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