Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
