Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
