Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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