are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
