I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize