Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
