would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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