Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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