I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
