I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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