but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
