there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
