i permit you to call me
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
