By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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