Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
