How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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