I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
