you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
