I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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