It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
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