i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
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