No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
