Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
