I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize