she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
