You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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