I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Little spoons don't ask big questions
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
