Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
