life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
