Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
