this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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