no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I want a musical about memes.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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