Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
