she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
