The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize