I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I checked into jail on foursquare
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
