You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
