Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
