Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
