im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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