how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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