there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
