When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize