3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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