Apparently you make a good broom.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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