It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
