can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
