Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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