Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Randomize
