so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
