i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
