things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
