You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
