Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
