you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
