Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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